I knew I was finally healing when I found myself crying less and sighing more. I no longer felt crushed by it all, I just felt… sad. It’s a sad thing when a family is so dysfunctional it becomes non-functional. It’s also sad when you allow the trauma from growing up in a toxic family destroy the rest of your life.
It’s easy to do that, to be honest. It’s harder to face the reality and practice radical acceptance which is what I finally did a few years ago. I realized nothing I do now will change what happened and I’d already lost so much in the years spent ruminating over it all.
Was I really going to grow old crying almost daily because of what happened to me as a kid??
I don’t even really sigh about it much anymore. I have a sort of peace now that is hard to describe. I haven’t forgiven anyone, and don’t plan to because I don’t believe that forgiveness is a path to healing in my case.
I’ve just allowed myself to be happy that I survived and I escaped the madness. For that I can let out a huge sigh of relief!